Never again

Right

Left

Right

Left

I focus on my steps. I don’t want to think about anything else because if I do I will think about you and I hate myself for that. I never had trouble thinking about every single movement that I do and planning it all out but now it is a must because I don’t want to think about you I really don’t.

Just a few months ago weeks ago even I envisioned being in your arms for the first time by the end of this year and now that I look back I know i should’ve never fucking believed you or myself or our love.

When two people are sad it just won’t work out our feelings clashed like the drums of your favorite band you told me I didn’t know a thing about you but that’s not true I knew that favorite fucking band of yours and I knew how badly you wished you were someone else and I wished I were free but nothing worked out our way.

You told me you’d have me forever.

Until now. But why now? I thought you could never hurt me I was the delicate flower you centered your life upon I was the first thing you thought of when rain hit the pavement as hard as your tears hit the floor when we knew it had to end between us.

I’ll cherish what we had forever no matter what you won’t just be someone I met over the internet you truly intended to be the only thing I needed.

You’ve achieved that now.

It’s easier than I thought though, to not want you as badly, but it’s so much harder to know you don’t want me back and our love has faded just like I imagined. The last few weeks I knew more certain than I knew I was to die that we had forgotten how to love each other.

And to me this was the most unpleasant feeling it hurt more than falling on that empty gravel of which you said you thought of our future each time you walked out of work late at night and saw the lights on the tall buildings and the silence that surrounded it. Looking out on to it reminded you of what you had made your life for.

Me.

But now that that’s gone, what are you living for? I wonder. I wonder why you always said that if you knew it wouldn’t work out you said nothing good ever lasts for you and we were good we were so good we were perfect. But it’s all gone now, never ever again.