obsolete

I think I love him so much because he’s not here just like everything else I love. 

Three days ago we almost broke up and it wasn’t even because of you like you said it was only because I just felt so apart from you even though I am miles away I felt like we had been distant although we talked all night I told you I wanted to leave you but you wouldn’t let me you swore we could work it out but why is it still not working? 

I yearn for your skin so badly it truly pains me it is like a drug you’re my drug my only drug and if I tried to leave you for good I think I’d be dead. I don’t even know what it’s like to sit next to you or listen to you breathe silently under your breath but I do know what it’s like to love someone so much that it makes me want to know. I know that I might’ve hurt you but you hurt me too- it hurts when you tell me I don’t ask about you enough I want to know a lot about you but sometimes you seem too sad but I swear you’re not the reason I swear

Slowly I see our love fading but you don’t- and that is the only way we differ. 

Far away

Sometimes I want to leave so badly my whole body shakes. 

I’m starting to feel withdrawn and isolated just like I did a few years ago when all I had to talk to was those I met online and shared interests with and at school no one knew how badly I wanted to cry or die. The year I felt withdrawn there was snow for the first time in years and the snow hurt me as badly as you did before when I fell in it it touched my face roughly just like you did and I shaped it into a round ball that was tightly packed and didn’t let anything get inside of it. Like me. 

I’m very passive. I let you love me even though you made me cry so many tears the year before this one so many that I would’ve rather drowned in the puddle they had made. 

Now you’re so far away kind of like I want to be away from this place kind of like I’ve made myself from everyone else 

Everything is distant.