Naomi is the only one I could ever tell any of these secrets. Naomi is this blog. As much as I love Bailey and Ben, I could never tell them this stuff. Just ever.
They would tell be its gonna be okay, don’t stress, and all of this stuff that id never actually believe in. Naomi doesn’t say anything like this, she actually listens. I believe in order to listen you have to forget the normal stuff, just don’t say it. Say that you understand and that even though you should feel better, I know you can’t.
It’s weird to not tell someone sorry. But to me it’s better. She just knows me and maybe even better than I know myself. When I told her about Paul she told me what she would do in the situation. I thought it would be a big deal because he’s almost 18 and I’ve never even met him. But, she didn’t tell me to let go because she understands what it is to love someone and not be able to forget them or even miss them because it’s just what you do all the time. So it’s not missing them, it’s feeling like you are a part of them. It’s something I don’t even understand.
I’ve known her since middle school, and now only some things have changed but we are mostly the same. We changed together, and when we were sad we knew how to cope with it. Now I just don’t.
During these times though, a lot of stuff has happened with her that I may reveal later. This blog is going to be of my past more than my present and I’ll be putting dates on each entry I’ve written before. But once it’s all caught up I’ll be able to talk more about what’s happening now.
Speaking of now, it is summer. I’m going to be a sophomore in highschool and I don’t think anything has changed since last year. I am still alive, breathing, alone, thinking. I miss when I didn’t have a reason to think, like when I was younger. But I also miss when I never thought my life would turn out this way. It’s so weird how changing your perspective makes everything seem so damn different. And I don’t think my mind could be changed anymore.
Anonymously alone 